Filling The Void by VESTAVEST
Here we are, 3 and a half years after the locally acclaimed classic, The Five Hundred and Eight LP.
I KNEW that if I pursued a more mature lifestyle, it would have to be a sacrifice. I knew I needed to write more songs. You can only burn the candle at both ends for so long until there is nothing left. I was well aware of the changes that had to be made. Cards get dealt, ceiling fans get hit by shit, and everything changes. It was a year and a half after my album dropped. The producer I was originally working with for the 2nd album jumped ship halfway thru it. Flat out disappeared. Mike (Veritas) and I were both working on separate projects with him. Mike’s album was sounding good, mine was alright, depending on the shape I recorded the song in. Til this day I still don’t know wtf happened with that kid, but it really messed things up. I wasn’t exactly on my ‘A-Game’ back then either, so it all happened for a reason, srew it. After that, Veritas and I had a falling out over stupid shit, and my bags were packed and headed to a co-workers house, which was literally on the water, in Rhode Island. The reason I say that is, I went from staying in a 3rd floor bummy ass apartment in Brockton, to living in a house on the water. I was definitely trying to get better. As good as it felt to leave, I knew I was only fooling myself. I had dependency issues with certain substances, I was miles away from the people I considered true friends, and I was living with a dude that literally just watched porn when he wasn’t working. Not to mention, what about the rap career that was supposed to take off after my first album dropped? I knew I couldn’t fulfill my visions in a place that seemed so unfamiliar compared to what I considered home. Wtf was I going to do? Rep Rhode Island?
As messy as things were, they got even worse. To make a long story short, going to Rhode Island for a couple of months helped, but I needed to get ‘back where I belong’. When I came back home, I felt like new cliques had been formed and people had changed drastically. I apparently wasn’t that cool to them anymore since the shows had stopped and no new songs had been released. Truth be told, I’ll say it for you… I fell the eff off. Not only did I feel like a loser. I KNEW I was a loser. I felt like I let everybody down. Nobody even attempted to lift me up, or point me in a different direction. I always wanted somebody who looked out for me, besides me.
Now, remember those little substance issues I was talking about earlier? It was February of 09′ and my life was about to see its all time low. There’s so many little details that got skipped, but this isn’t an autobiography, I’m just getting you up to speed since we haven’t spoke in a while… And speaking of speed, I was in an accident that should’ve cost me my life. I relive that night every day. Each special moment that life brings about makes me painfully aware of how terrible things very well could be. I hit pole #13 and I couldn’t be luckier.
While I was recovering from the crash and jumping back into the swing of things, I started seeing people for what they were. I also reached out to people who said they would always be there, but as time went on I realized the most important lesson. No matter what I do in life, the only real thing I have is myself, what I’ve learned, and the family I come from. That goes for any of you younger kids that might be reading this or anybody going through trying times, DON’T GET SUCKED INTO NO BULLSHIT! BE YOURSELF!
The only way I knew how to express myself was through music, so during the summer of 10′, I started writing to a bunch of beats my boy Phil The Pain had sent me. It was tough because I work a 40 hour work week, but surprisingly enough, sacraficing a social life wasn’t as difficult as I had presumed. Sure, at times it can get depressing, but I didn’t have time to sit back and feel sorry for myself. I knew I was going to go all out, but I wanted to make sure who was in for the long haul and who wasn’t. I tested the people around me just to see who was out for my best interest and who wasn’t. Until this day, there’s some friends I’ll miss from time to time. I like to place faith in the idea that people change and good doggs return home, but that’s a story only time can tell, cause’ some people will never learn.
If your still reading, shit, I’ll keep going… The escape had begun. I went out and dropped a few grand on a studio. I set it up myself and taught myself how to operate pro tools with the help of my boy and local rapper, Concept. He was so instrumental in helping me get everything I needed.
In late 2010, I started releasing songs and doing shows again. Mike (Veritas) actually reached out to me and I’m so grateful he did, because sometimes I can act a little too irish when it comes to holding a grudge. It was one of the best things that could’ve happened to me and the future of the local hip hop scene. The foundation of a launch pad is being built as I type.
Speaking of today, here we are. Back where we started. Sometimes life can seem like a depressing little cycle, other times, I meet a pretty face and I get intoxicated by butterfly madness. It’s those rare moments that make me content. Fact of the matter is, it’s life… I don’t control it… I simply ride the waves it gives me and depending on the day, I might even SOUND like a surfer.
The 7 Day Escape is a concept album that has a few parallels of relativity, it’s all for you to interpret. I can promise you that I will continue to go all out. I look at the town I grew up and started rapping in and I went from being the only one recording songs to seeing several other very talented and aspiring artists doing the same. My goal is to cross fade the hiphop ego into another 3 letter word called art. I want my music to represent a universal dance floor, made for everybody to dance on.
Thanks for listening to me reflect and I hope anybody else who is going through tough times can create their own 7 day escape and achieve the goals they originally set out to, without falling into the abyss. The future is inside of you right NOW… Quit bitchin, go out and build that shit the way you like it. If you have any tough times you might be going through, please feel free to talk to me. Nothing rhymed in this whole…Idk…essay?…. I want you to be aware of the fact that I am here for you as a friend. Thanks for sticking by me, I love you.